Chapter 2: Keys to Success
books is that I'll take you through a two-step approach that addresses the whole sexual
experience, instead of merely a portion.
The two aspects that this manual is going to focus upon are:
1. Strategy (the mindset and overall framework of the female orgasm)
2. Tactics (techniques and the "how to's")
The biggest mistake that you can make is to focus on the how-to without paying proper
attention to the best mind-set and strategies of the female orgasm.
In reality, the strategies are the key to unlocking the power of the techniques. You'll understand that while the techniques by itself can be effective, the mind-numbing, noisy, wet, toe-curling orgasms lies largely in the strategy you use when applying the techniques.
So, in order to get the most out of these tactics, you've got to pay close, intimate attention to the strategies
Key #1: Mindset
Your state of mind (and your partner's) can really make or break the chances of her having an orgasm...
The Wrong Mindset
How do you approach your lover's orgasms? You probably enter into sex with the mindset and goal of "giving an orgasm."
It's this approach that leads too many guys on a wild goose chase for the "perfect" strokes and techniques. It leaves you blindly seeking out every tip and trick out there, furiously testing them out on your lover.
I hate to break it to you, but this is the wrong mindset if you truly want to "give" an orgasm.
It sounds contradictory, I know. But it's true, and here"s why...
When you head into the bedroom with the goal of "giving" her an orgasm, you're setting
up expectations in both of your minds. This approach will create pressure on both you
and your partner that an orgasm MUST happen. Once you add pressure to have an
orgasm, it is virtually guaranteed to add some negative stress and anxiety during your
intimate times together.
And...as this stress grows, it will actually make it much harder for her to cum.
Have you ever seen a football or basketball player "choke up" during a game?
The fans, the crowds, the competition build up so much pressure for the athlete to
perform well that their focus is diverted from the game and to their anxieties.
Ultimately, they wind up screwing up. Too much focus and drive on your part to "give" an
orgasm can have the same effect on your partner.
If the stress and pressure get too high, she may be left unsatisfied. And because you
have set this "goal" to have an orgasm in a first place, and now that the goal is un-met,
both you and your partner will be left feeling disappointed.
If this approach is sustained, you may wind up anchoring these feelings of
disappointment to your times of physical intimacy – carrying it over into your next sexual
encounter, further increasing her "performance anxiety."
The Right Mindset
Here's the paradox...
If you want to give an orgasm, you have to NOT focus on the orgasm!
Instead of focusing on the goal of achieving an orgasm, start focusing your attention on
the pleasure of the process.
The key is, if you focus on giving pleasure, and making sure she's feeling good, that
orgasm will come (no pun intended.)
Key #2: Communication
Not every technique will work on every woman. One woman may prefer one particular stroke or rhythm more than the next woman does.
To find out what really makes your woman tick, you've got to open the lines of
communication. You need to find out what she likes as you're applying a technique.
That way, you can optimize your rhythm, speed, stroke etc. to match what she likes
best.
Aim for open verbal communication, but if your lover isn't as brave speaking her mind
(especially when you're face is buried between her thighs) you can opt for more non-
verbal communicative methods, such as squeezing hands or body response.
Communicating well with your partner can make it much easier to bring her pleasure,
and ultimately, more and better orgasms.
Key #3: Escalation
One of the biggest mistake men make is moving too fast, too
soon. It works fine for us, but for a woman, she might not be ready
yet. For guys, we can come to an orgasm very quickly. Men basically need to get aroused, stimulated, and we’re done.
Women, on the other hand, need a gradual escalation to come to a point of orgasm.
With each of the stages of sexual response (you'll find out about this in an upcoming chapter), the intensity of the stimulation is increased.
Key #4: Anticipation and Tension
Anticipation (otherwise known as "teasing" and "excitement") is
a powerful and effective tool to use. In order to multiply the effects
of your sexual techniques, you'll have to add anticipation into the mix.
Anticipation will get her more aroused, give her a greater chance to have an orgasm and focuses her mind on the physical pleasure she's experiencing.
And...while you're building up anticipation, at the same time you're cranking up sexual tension as well.
The sexual tension will have to be released (in the form of an orgasm).
The key to building up anticipation is to focus on the areas surround the main "target" before you actually hit the target.
For example, you can do this by rubbing her inner thighs, buttocks and hips before actually touching her vagina. While you're rubbing those body parts, she's getting wetter and wetter by the second, anticipating you to finally move onto her vagina. At the same time, the tension is growing within her and at some point, it'll have to be released.
A note: when you"re building up the anticipation in her, it's going to build up in you as well! It's going to be your job to maintain self control, and keep the escalation at the right pace.
Key #5: Relaxation
A woman has to be completely relaxed to have an orgasm. If she has her mind on her job, self-conscious about how her body looks, trying to have an orgasm, or whatever the case may be, she's not going to be relaxed. She'll be tensed, and her body won't allow her to release an orgasm.
Your job?
To help those troubles melt away and disappear (even if only temporarily) with your words, touch, attitude and preparations. Your lover must be totally and completely relaxed and free from tension.
The only tension she should be feeling is sexual tension!
Key #6: Give Before You Receive
Before receiving any sexual pleasure from her, you have to make sure she receives sexual pleasure from you first.Why?It shows that:
1) You have control of your sexual desires
2) She'll be in a more "ready" state to have an orgasm while having intercourse, and
3) After she has an orgasm, she'll be ready and willing to reciprocate to the best of her abilities!
Seriously, if you can compare the quality of the blow job she gives you, the one performed without her experiencing an orgasm FIRST, will, ironically, SUCK compared to the blow job she gives you after she RECIEVES an orgasm.
Sex goes the same too...
Go ahead and test this out for yourself if you don't believe me.
Tips for the Woman in Your Life
Now I'd like to take a few moments to address the special woman
in your life. You can invite her over to the screen, print out the page
and tuck it into her briefcase or bring it up in your next sexual
conversation... 1.Allow yourself to let go. Don't feel selfish or sluttish; distracted or unworthy. Don't tame or subdue yourself. Don't hold anything back!
2. Don't feel afraid to get a little verbal. Quit biting your tongue or holding your breath. Let go and moan, groan or sigh if you want to. Don't force it or get too theatrical, but the man in your life will love to hear the sounds of your pleasure escaping your lips.
3. If you find yourself constantly stressing over hygiene issues like scent or taste or cleanliness, try incorporating a bath or shower early on in your schedule to prepare and improve your comfort level. Even better if you can invite him to join you!
4. Strive to gain greater comfort with your body and what turns you on. Take initiative to learn what really drives you insane with desire and then learn to communicate those hot buttons to the man in your bed. What do you fantasize about? What really turns you on?
5 Learn to believe your lover when he tells you he loves to pleasure you and make you cum – he means it! And he's also telling you the truth when he swears up and down that he loves to eat your pussy! There are few things in this world that will give a man a sense of accomplishment or satisfaction than making the woman he cares about cum...
The Oxytocin Factor
Oxytocin is one of many chemicals that play a significant role
in orgasm and sexual response. It's a hormone that is secreted by the
pituitary gland and cases muscle contractions and sensitizes the nerves.
While oxytocin plays a part in our orgasms too, it's believed that it's
even more important in a woman's sexual pleasure. Not only does this hormone play a large part in the contractions that wrack a woman’s womb and vaginal walls when she cums, research has shown that increased oxytocin production in a woman contributes to more powerful, intense orgasms.
Oxytocin also plays an important part of a woman's emotional state and stimulates emotional pleasure and feelings of intimacy. It's often referred to as the "cuddling hormone" because it's this chemical that initiates feelings of connection, bonding and intimacy with your lover.
Stronger orgasms and emotional fulfillment... it's no surprise why this chemical hormone is so vital to a woman's healthy sexual response!
In later chapters you'll discover exactly how to release this chemical to make her feel more connected to you, and want to have sex with you more often.
Keys to Success in Action
I'm providing you with quite a bit of information. It's all well and good if you can read and remember the techniques and concepts, but if you don’t apply them, you might as well not have wasted your time or money on this course.
Make a solid commitment to not only read this book, but to put the principles I share with you into practice in your every day sex life.
Team up with your lover and let her know what you're reading up on. Ask her to work with you and convince her to agree to offer you honest feedback on the new things you'll be trying out.
Believe me - she'll thank you for it later!
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